If you’re brutally honest with yourself, what are you really sure of? Most of us wake up every day wondering… If it will be a good day… If you’ll make it as a freelancer, founder.. whatever your’e working at. And in our personal lives it’s even worse, did you say the wrong thing? should you wait hour to reply to that text? Is he really the one??
Uncertainty isn’t just exhausting, it’s also the very thing that points us in the wrong direction, because uncertainty means moving in no direction at all.
And so we remain stagnant until we get a cosmic kick up the ass.
I’m not going to get too kabbalistic in this post, but I learnt something the other day that changed my perception of uncertainty, or doubt. Kabbalists, have a different name for doubt – the opponent. And another favourite game of the opponent… fear.
So here’s a good kind of fear:
“That alley looks dodgy, I should probably not go down it at 2am”
But another kind of fear altogether is “sure that client seems dodgy, but they promised lots of projects, sure they can’t pay right now, and want to use Paypal in a month… But I don’t have that much on at the moment”
This is the kind of fear that lives in the part of our head called “at the moment, we don’t deserve better” right next to “There is no better anyway” a short turn from “that’s life.”
So we stay in that 9-5 scraping back minutes of the day at the coffee machine while attempting to form a gleam of a connection with Michael from marketing but hit the same small-talk wall.
We try to change the person we’re with because we accepted less out of fear and have now ended up with a couch potato who thinks beer is a food group.
But … just imagine this for a minute…
Imagine how you would act, today if you knew for sure. You would get to where you want and need to be in one month. Or even a day.
Belief is a powerful thing. But not the whole positive outlook law of attraction schpiel, that’s not what this is about.
Certainty is the unwavering knowledge that you are on the right path. When you remove the fear of failure, you see more clearly. Seeing more clearly means noticing when stuff is not legit and maybe you should… you know, run in the other direction.
Certainty turns on your inner light, after all you can’t navigate if you can’t see.
Doubt on the other hand… well doubt is the cage we lock ourselves in for fear of could be.
Doubt means wonder if that client would really be so terrible to work with, sure they insulted you in the meeting – pulled out a box of soggy banana flapjacks while you were literally mid-sentaee and offered them around (this is a true story). But maybe they didn’t mean it, maybe it’s OK.
You doubt your well-founded decision that this banana-flapjack wielding person is in fact rude and unprofessional.
I’m going to talk about dating now, because it’s been an observation of mine that the world of dating and the world of business are intertwined and you can easily replace the word ‘date’ with ‘meeting’ and get the exact same problems.
A friend was sharing some recent frustration with me and was actually the inspiration for this blog.
This friend, who is hands down one of the most talented women I know – was telling me they were feeling a little disheartened by the ever-distressing merry-ground of swipes, chats and dates, that torturous loop that goes round and round most of the time to no end and little enjoyment.
So I hypothesised a situation ‘what If I were to tell you that you were going to meet the perfect person in exactly a year – he will be everything you’ve ever wanted and you’ll settle down and be with him forever. If I told you that, what would you be doing right now?’
“Even better, If I were to drop the perfect man in front of you right now and say ‘here he is’ enjoy being with him forever now… how would you feel now?”
My friend was taken aback, she’d never considered this and had to admit that she wouldn’t quite want to settle down, that she enjoyed the chase, that she rather liked her single life and all the great things she was doing and that if she was 100% certain she would meet someone eventually (which she will, she’s a catch) she would be loving her life, focusing on her work and not taking any less than she should acce
A few days later, this friend was already turning down any prospects that weren’t actively adding to her life in a positive way, actually communicating like adults and not sending ‘hey u up’ messages at 2am like an horny neanderthal.
Let’s face it, ‘hey u up’ is soggy banana flapjack.
When you swap fear for certainty, you just give less of a shit. You find you have the courage to go after what you want and the chutzpah to demand it.
If you could know for sure, that one week, one month or year from now you you would get the deal of your dreams… you would certainly never settle for less, so why would you want to settle now?